Yang Women: What Boz Saint John, My Mama & Rihanna Can Teach Yin Women
I thought my softness would save me, but I was actually putting out my own fire.
My ancestors recently gathered me and told me I needed to tap more into my yang energy. They said I was too heavily in my yin; that this imbalance of energy was disrupting my life, making me too rigid in my idea of what femininity is. I thought my softness would save me, but it was actually making me too sensitive and, as a result, I was suppressing the feminine fire power within me.
Women contain multitudes. We are both yin and yang—just look at the feminine element of water to see this truth. Water can be a peaceful spring that flows downstream and gently greets whoever’s toes touch its waters. Or it can be a hurricane, violently destroying and purifying all that’s in its path.
While some women naturally express one polarity over the other, it’s important to keep a healthy balance of both yin and yang. Doing so helps those special elements about yourself shine brighter, no matter where on the energetic scale they land.
Yin and yang women can learn from each other. So, in my pursuit to lean more into my yang energy, here’s what I’ve learned from the yang-iest women I know (some just in my head): my mom, Bozoma Saint John, and Rihanna.
1. Take up space.
“My name means goddess, so when you say my name, you’re summoning all of my greatness.” —Boz Saint John
Bozoma Saint John has been a revelation as the newest housewife on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Boz is the epitome of yang femininity onscreen, turning demure on its head with big teased hair, extravagant outfits, and a boardroom-dominating personality (she used to be the chief marketing officer of Netflix and Uber). She pulls focus whenever she’s in a scene; as a viewer, I can’t help but draw my eyes to her. And the other housewives agree—their responses to her presence are always a mix of shock and awe, more than their normal pleasantries. (Kyle to Boz: “You always look so good, and I look like this.”)
I remember when photos of Boz on a girls trip with the RHOBH women leaked and Black Twitter was already criticizing her for, essentially, being too Black on a mostly white show. Here she was, with big gold doorknocker earrings decorating her high ponytail. How dare she stand out from her castmates and not try to fit in or blend into the background. Boz is not afraid to take up space. I’ve enjoyed watching her on my screen this season. She is a true yang woman, unafraid to make others uncomfortable and/or mesmerized by being her most fabulous self.
2. Find your joy.
“You only have one life; I’m going to do what makes me happy.” —My Mama
Speaking of fabulous, I’m very blessed to have a strong example of yang femininity in my mother, Patrice. My mom says what she feels and does what she wants, no matter anyone else’s opinions or if she’s the only one doing it. For example, after getting her first tattoo a year and a half ago, she’s already gotten six more. I asked her if she was moving too fast. She said no, she knows what she wants.
As a yang woman, she teaches me to be less sensitive (yin) when it comes to expressing myself in the world. My mom can take the biggest criticism with a grain of salt, deciding on her own time if she wants to apply that advice, but never letting it affect her sense of self. She loves herself unapologetically, flaws and all. She is flirty and fun. One of her biggest joys is cutting up on the dance floor at house music parties. Like a ball of sunshine, she takes up space, radiates positive energy, and magnetizes the attention of others while she dances. She shows me how to surrender to the goddess of joy by pursuing my passions proudly and out loud. My mom’s fierce self-acceptance dares us all to radically love and celebrate ourselves just as fearlessly as she does.
3. Say it with your chest.
“I like to put my foot down, draw my boundaries, but I also like to have fun.” —Rihanna
Honestly, if my mom and Rihanna met, they’d probably fete together all night long. But outside of her party-girl demeanor, Rihanna’s yang energy is also expressed in how she advocates for herself. Her boundary-setting is the perfect example of balancing yin and yang—being able to honor her inward need for privacy and respect with her outward fire. What comes to mind is how she fiercely sets boundaries with paparazzi, interviewers, and the general public. While some stars would worry about coming off as a diva, Rihanna makes no apologies when she, for example, tells the paps that they’ve taken enough pictures. Or calls out an interviewer for trying to get her to reveal details about her relationship with A$AP Rocky.
The biggest takeaway from all three women I mention here is that they are unapologetic about how they show up in the world. That’s something unbalanced yin women can truly benefit from, not worrying about how we might come off, who’s being offended, who’s being affected or not affected by our actions—and instead tuning into our own energy and needs, listening to our own rhythms, and daring others to come along for the ride on our own terms.
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